I was harmlessly staffing the bookshop front desk when this dude (he would like that description) comes in and asks if we stocked the “Lowkat Bible”. “The what?” “The Lukat Bible.” “The what?” I’m thinking it was some religious grouping I’d not heard of – and was not wrong. But before we say any more my colleague Ben and the dude start talking to one another in something that sounded like Jamaican patois but might have been Etruscan. Neither Ben or the dude are Jamaican, though they might be Etruscan. Just as I thought it was time to find some interesting filing the duo reverted to English and explained that this was a book and it was something to do with the internet and cats. Oh really; the internet and cats? That’s unusual.
The next day other members of staff are speaking Etruscan too, and laughing over the dude’s book, or rather one of SEVERAL copies that appeared to be stock. And here it is in my hands. An example: So Ananias wented to howse. He foundz Saul and dud wut Ceiling Cat say. He places paws on Saul. Ananais sed, “Hai Saul, Ceiling Cat, who pwnded your eyez with crazie lite, sented me to yu so you cans be filld wit teh Hover Cat. kk? You can has site bak.” Then weerd scaly thingz fell frum Saul’s eyez. Saul seez again, ftw!!!
I am a fan of Song of Solomon, or at least was until I read: Ur like teh horse. Wait, no! Liek… liek teh wunz on teh cheryits of Pharo. So here we have it, LOLCat Bible is like the King James Bible, but without the beautiful language and shorter. And with pictures of cats in it.